Divorced Dating - How To Start Dating After Divorce With Children

Divorce, especially when children are involved, can be a most traumatic event for the whole family. Often, seemingly overnight, long lasting family relationships are torn asunder; divorce is life changing for all concerned. However, there is still life to be enjoyed after divorce. Family relationships have changed, new domestic arrangements can prove unsettling, even fractious and divisive.

However, almost inevitable, the healing hands of time will alleviate the pain and direct a return to 'normality' … That is, until one or both of the divorced couples decides to look for a new partner!

It's always the children that suffer!

Should you be recently divorced then statistically you are likely to seek out another partner; humans are sociable creatures with an inbuilt desire for a companion. So, there’s no shame in this quite natural impulse. The effect of one parent suddenly dating a new potential partner can have a most disruptive effect on children. Much has been written on the psychological trauma this may cause to children of all ages. Of course, it depends upon the kind of relationship you have with your children; perhaps they already support and encourage your right to date. Hmm, unlikely I suspect.

In short, you as an adult, have a right to a life, you should be able to date should you wish. However, I would venture to suggest that, initially, you keep your dating activities private, away from your children. Why impose more stress upon them then they’ve already endured? Nevertheless, once you are in a sound relationship, then the time is right to confide in your siblings. It may be tricky, but absolutely necessary. Well, all this is academic if you can’t find a date!

Where to start looking for dates

Quite understandably, your parental duties may impinge some restrictions upon your social fluidity. Mouths still have to be fed, the parent taxi service doesn’t stop, bedtime stories to tell, clothes, faces and ears to wash etc. Therefore, depending upon your divorce arrangements, the first suggestion, when looking for dates, may prove to be almost impossible; that suggestion is:

1. Socialize more often

This means making an effort to get out; perhaps take up a hobby or join an evening class, something you enjoy and something that’ll bring you into contact with others. Make time for yourself, by all means, but avoid too many lonely pursuits, like stewing in the cinema or building a replica of the Titanic from used matchsticks. Better still, join a modelling club, a walking club or maybe a local movie appreciation society. Look not just for time-filling activities find activities that encourage you to engage with people!

OK, this will probably be a painstakingly long process and maybe one that will generate more frustrations than successes. Finding a date, after divorce, especially with the commitment of children, can simply prove far too time consuming. You could try ‘speed dating’; whereby you sign up to meet with like-minded individuals, of both sexes, in a social environment; you spend a limited time talking with each prospective date and then you move on to the next one. For some, this is far too facile and superficial; however it could just work for you. There is another way, arguably a much better way to find a date. And that’s online!

2. Join an online dating site

Whatever your family commitments, joining an online dating company is really a no brainer; no matter whether you’re looking for a new partner or just some convivial company. Online dating has proven to be a hugely successful platform for couples to chat without the face to face pressure; they get to know on another’s’ likes, dislikes and interests before agreeing to that first date. Internet dating agencies, for busy divorced parents, with perhaps, sleeping children, represents the perfect medium for people to meet, interact and, who knows ... fall in love.

You really need to check out the credentials of any online company you’re considering. As a guideline: Does the company operate an easy to navigate, informative site? You can very quickly assess this by going to the specific site and having a browse. A well-presented site is a sure sign of the company’s professional intent. Will the dating site put me in touch with people more receptive to my circumstances? In this instant divorced with children. Again, check out the site; you’ll no doubt find a myriad of opportunities for date-matching, no matter what your situation, sex, persuasion or ethnicity. Look for personal recommendations and testimonials. There’s no better advert for any business than the testament of others. A well established, switched on, dating business will proudly display testimonials. Take the time to read them, find testimonials that echo your circumstances; learn and take comfort from the experiences and success of others.

The online dating profile of yourself is extremely significant. This is how you’ll make your first, all so important, impression. Be honest about your current domestic situation and the circumstances of your divorce. There are a definite couple of no-no traps you should not fall into; these are:

1. Don not, go on and on about, nor dwell upon, the negative aspects of the divorce. Appear positive, upbeat and optimistic. Keep this part of your profile brief, to the point and then move swiftly on.

2. Do not keep referring to your ex-partner, and certainly refrain from making derogatory or disparaging remarks.

Remember, no one will be keen to hook up with a bitter, miserable self-indulgent, morose … you get the idea! Always include photographs in your profile, make them as natural as possible; don’t attempt to guild the lily. We’re not all film stars, so just be realistic. Perhaps a few shots with you relaxing at home perhaps, comfortable, content with … not a child in sight. As a final note, stay clear of the clichés! Every profile ever made seems to be by people with a ‘sense of humour’ who like ‘eating out’ etc. Think of something less worn and predictable. Don’t be too precise as to your likes and dislikes; you could come across as boorish and selfish. Stay open to the idea of a change in lifestyle.

In conclusion

Online dating for divorced individuals is an excellent way to find a compatible date, a friend or even a long term partner. Your first step is to find a bone fide online dating site with an excellent track record.

Match.com ticks all the boxes! This is a hugely successful dating site; with, potentially hundreds of like-minded people waiting for someone like you. The site has an extremely healthy following, with help and advice facilities to get you started. Match.com go that extra yard to try and make your perfect match; they even organize special social, no pressure, events to encourage face to face interaction. Register with Match.com today, it’s almost guaranteed to be a life changer.